So many of us are searching for our perfect partner – the one! He or she is absolutely out there; of course, the divine universe wants us to meet that special person and yes, we deserve to be happy together… but at what cost? Believing every new person we meet is the one? Forcing things into being that are not designed to work – trying to turn a part time sexual partner into a spouse? Or worse yet, refusing to look at the underlying patterns and issues within us that keep us attracting the same type of wrong person which perpetuates our love lives going around and around in circles? Let us take a look at these issues and work toward new approaches, healing, clarity and perspective to truly draw to us – the one!
How can everyone be right?
This question may seem quite obvious, you might say. Everyone isn’t right for any one of us and who could possibly think otherwise? What about those who literally think that each new person they connect with is the right one? For many of my clients, periodically a new lover enters the picture. With each new love interest, certain clients tell me how a new prospect is perfect for them, that the person in question is indeed faithful and marriage is in the not so distant future.
If I disagree, I will certainly point out what I feel the dynamics of the relationship in question are all about. When I try to articulate how this new lover is not right for them and they have said the same exact thing about every other person they’ve brought up to me in prior readings, they dismiss what I’m saying. Instead, they immediately bring the focus right back to the current person in question. Denying the underlying issues within, they want to hear that he or she is that perfect partner for them and better yet, lets talk about the wedding! By only hearing what they want to hear, one frequently has to go through heartache after heartache instead of simply listening to what comes through in a reading from spirit for higher guidance. Beyond that, almost always we do see the red flags that are present ourselves. We know on a deep inner level that something is wrong. We can feel it. The question is whether we listen to our inner voice of truth or deny what we know.
By refusing to see any connection between what makes all of these lovers basically the same person in a different body, no growth occurs. With that refusal to acknowledge the issues involved, the same cycle simply keeps getting repeated: new lover, it seems perfect, it falls apart, new lover…The difficult thing here is that years, even decades get eaten up by relationships that were not meant or designed to go the distance, where the warning signs are always ever present but ignored and denied. We must learn to see that if we’re emotionally having the same knee jerk reaction when meeting new people, we must change the old patterns and attempt to look at things more clearly and realistically.
See people for who they really are
One could say that any of us only see what we want to see – we could take it a step further and say we only see what our ego, defense mechanisms and emotions allow us to see. When we look at someone, what do we see? Who do we see? Are we looking at a projection of what we want, the real person or a combination of both?
In only seeing someone as we choose to see them, we set up a terribly faulty foundation to build a relationship upon. For instance, I’ve had countless clients pretend that a cheating man is actually faithful – that the other women or women he’s sexually active with are merely platonic friends – or that it’s the women who want him as he would never engage in such deception himself. The problems here are dangerous and obvious as these clients are: cheated on, risking their health, wasting their time and setting themselves up for great disappointment in the end. On top of that, the disappointments never internally end when the relationships in question actually physically end. The pain echoes on, facilitating other bad choices, bringing down a person’s hopes, dreams and vitality to live a happy life.
Not looking clearly at the person who may affect you and your journey more profoundly than anyone else in your life is like strolling onto a highway with blinders on and pretending that none of the vehicles will run you over. Without realistic perception of our partners, everything goes awry as our choices are based on: delusion, inner emotional deception, false hopes, erroneous expectations and non-truthful projections.
In seeing someone only partially accurately, it makes choices tricky and difficult. How deep are their issues? Is the person in question willing to work on healing these issues? If it’s just a question of learn to take the good with the bad, put up or shut up, it can be complicated and problematic. “Well on some days, he’s nice to me, while on others, he ignores me and blows me off. I keep thinking that maybe I just need to be patient and love him more,” a client rationalizes. Here’s an analogy: If someone hugged you on Monday and slapped you on Tuesday, what would you do? It is so important to realize that if the good and the bad are running a head to head race, relationships don’t usually make it to the finish line in a successful way.
One could counter these perceptions by stating that everyone is a mixture of good and bad and that no one is perfect. That goes without saying as of course, no one is perfect. What’s important though, is the question of whether one’s partner is committed to the relationship or not? Is sincere effort being put in to make things work? Are they trying to become a better person for you and themselves? If it’s just a see saw ride, things eventually collapse. Here, one should always try to build upon what they perceive correctly about their partner and work from there toward an even deeper understanding of who and what they really are. Try to make realistic assessments across the board. This way, one moves toward clarity and with clear vision the decisions that are best in the long run can indeed be made.
If we see a person for who they truly are, it is a Godsend. Why? Because for better or worse and whether we like it or not, we can make an informed and accurate choice regarding our potential involvement with them. By knowing who our lover is, we know what we’re actually in for as acknowledging the truth frees us to make an appropriate decision – whether to stay or go. Also, knowing what ones good and bad qualities are allows growth to occur. By knowing the actual problems, one sees what needs to fix things and a plan of action can be put into place. Communication can improve because what is being talked about is based on reality, not emotional fantasy. Looking at things honestly helps to cut through the haze of deception, false expectations and cloudiness as highlighted in the above-mentioned examples. This way, whatever potential a relationship inherently has can be realized in a healthy way.
Playing The Odds
I have had instances where a client tries to play the odds in a reading with me. “OK Jim, I’ve asked you about 10 different men and now you say number 11 is also not right for me? Isn’t anyone right for me?” a female client questions in frustration. Psychic predictions are certainly not a numbers game. It is not as if one could play the odds and say that if 10 or even 100 prospects are looked at, that certainly one of them must be the right one. A client may assume that if there are so many people being looked at and I as a reader feel that none of them are a good fit, it can be turned around to make me look negative. It’s sort of like the majority rules concept. How can 100 people be wrong and one person be right? In this instance, the client thinks of love as a poker game; if you keep playing, sooner or later you’ll get a good hand.
Occasionally, I have had times where the first person I picked up for someone in a reading was his or her true-life partner and subsequently, commitment occurs. Many people soliciting readings ask about tens upon tens of possibilities with none of them being potentially healthy long-term relationships. Sometimes it’s as if a client feels like they’ve already paid their dues by hearing negative predictions about multiple romantic choices. They’re fed up now and only want to hear that things will work out with the new person in question. It’s an understandable feeling that any of us can get frustrated in our search for love, but not at the expense of trying to make a wrong person right.
Remember, as a reader, I can’t make someone be anything other than they are and I certainly wouldn’t pretend to. I always do my best to look at each situation, energy and possibility dispassionately and with an open mind. With non-attachment, a psychic is hopefully able to offer the correct assessment at hand for anyone being read for. Here, the key for any client is to simply look at each person that enters their journey without positive or negative expectation and from a place of openness and receptivity to only the truth.
The turtle and the hare
All of us know the story of the turtle and the hare; the one that went slower, the turtle, actually got there quicker. We should think of our love lives in the same way. Take it easy, reasonably and let the pace be natural in getting to know someone. This way, bad relationships are more likely to be avoided as connections based on false chemistry and illusion aren’t as likely to hook us in. By not getting reeled into something negative and not right, the space is there in our hearts to allow the right partner to come into our lives. Remember, we must be an open channel for the divine universe to work through and bring us our perfect partner. Being in a hurry is like driving through morning traffic to get to work way too impatiently and fast. An accident may occur. If something is right, it is most likely to evolve in such a way that is organic, natural, comfortable and makes sense. The quick fix, immediate connection and the instant soul mate hardly ever leads to anything productive, long-term and positive.
To illustrate the turtle and the hare analogy again, when one goes through many fragmented relationships that could each eat up anywhere from several months to many years, so much time gets wasted. Those choices could lead to a decade or more of failed relationships. In the end, one is worse off than where they were when they first started. Never forget that any of us become scarred through repeated heartache, deception and disappointments. Think of it this way: If someone simply moves slowly, most of the bad relationships one could slip into impulsively or carelessly become avoided. Why? Because bad relationships often show themselves for what they truly are pretty quickly if you keep your eyes wide open and listen to those around you and your inner voice of awareness. With less time spent, less pain to work through, one’s heart and spirit are more optimistic and hopeful. This allows infinite spirit to bring the right partner into the picture. As I had stated earlier and in other writings, a blessing cannot come to you; it must come through you. Be an open channel of what you wish to draw to you and throw the rest away!
Again, take your time and allow the relationship to unfold naturally. Realize too, that if things happen too quick and too fast, one or both parties could activate and involve their defense and survival mechanisms, which could destroy a potentially successful relationship. How? Because our defense and survival mechanisms are designed to protect us, keep us alive and out of harms way. When one becomes emotionally threatened, one’s defenses come to the rescue, causing one to: back off, pull back, withdraw, destroy what’s there, behave in a back and forth fashion, retreat or simply walk away. By not engaging our fears and survival mechanisms as in: the fear of getting hurt again, the fear of being trapped or the fear of being too vulnerable, we can progress in a much more seamless and positive way with our partners.
I prayed to God
“Jim, he has to be right for me. I prayed to God and asked for my soul mate to come into my life today. How can he be wrong if God sent him to me,” a client questions? First, it is so important to realize that our timing and God’s timing may not be one and the same. When we pray for anything we must affirm it and own it in the present tense. However, God may have a different perspective regarding physical time. What if the right person is in another location and needs to move to your area physically in a year or so to meet you? What if your perfect partner is going through a divorce and about 3-4 years later will be ready to meet and commit to you? What if you’re not really ready for a commitment internally, even though you may adamantly think so? Because you want it emotionally more than anything, you would assume that you must be ready. Remember, when something is ready for us, it tends to come in – perfectly timed by infinite intelligence.
Beyond that, the first person that comes into you life when a prayer is sent out to the heavens may be a test. They may not be the correct person at all, but a test: Have you learned to see people more clearly that you get involved with? God may send you a person similar to your negative exes to see if you have grown past old habits and emotional patterns. Have you learned what not to do? Things are not just so simple as: “I prayed, therefore, God answers my prayers exactly as I want right now!”
Another scenario experienced is when you may have prayed for something, but you have mixed feelings within your psyche about it. Those mixed energies will also get sent out along with the prayer. If part of you is closed while another part of you simultaneously open to commitment, you will very likely attract a partner who has the exact same duality and conflict. We can’t turn off who we are internally. Just like your heart will always beat, who you are and what you feel in any part of your internal being is always projected outward along with your prayers.
Make sure to pray in the present tense while simultaneously trusting in your heart that infinite spirit knows the right time for you. Don’t get fooled by those who are not right for you and who may actually represent the same type of lovers you were with in past. By all means, continue to work on your internal healing; achieving the oneness and pureness of thought, feeling and essence, which manifests the relationship miracles you deserve!
Don’t want it too badly
When we want something bad enough, it is easy, even predictable to lose our objective clarity and clear insight regarding our heart’s longings. In this instance, our heart’s desire becomes our heart’s disease. You can look at any number of examples: if someone wants to be famous, they will tend to believe any third rate or make believe “producer” who says they can make them a star. When someone wants to get rich quickly and easily, they can fall for any number of financial scams such as false lottery winnings sent via email. From a romantic perspective, when one hopes to get married, one can pretend a non committal relationship is leading to an engagement ring.
How much should we want love then? To attract something, we must be in a state of harmony with what we are attempting to attract. We must like it, feel good about it, embrace it and be open to it in all parts of our inner being. Also, we need to feel continually positive and enthusiastic. However, God would never expect us to “break our backs” to get it. We must not obsess over it, fret, worry and wallow in frustration, which completely negates the positive prayers we’re sending out. It is literally like taking two steps forward, then two steps backward. These examples come to mind: An athlete may want to win a championship, but at what cost? Paying someone off to have the star players of the opposing team injured before the game? We can want to rise in our careers, but at the expense of sleeping 2-3 hours a night? That is unnecessary, harmful and could kill us!
We must be reasonable in our thoughts and requests to meet the right person. When we affirm it, send out that affirmation with intensity and clarity. Then finally – we must release it! Let go and let God! Releasing our prayers is the final conclusion of our part in manifesting our hearts desire! We must absolutely let go so that the wondrous divine universe can do the rest of the job for us. As the great metaphysical teacher Florence Shinn asked, “Have you ever seen a worried or anxious magnet? It just sits there and attracts all that is good to it!”
We could never be aware of all of the endless possibilities and variables involved in meeting the one! Regarding timing, how could we possibly know or calculate all that needs take place to bring the two of us together? Infinite intelligence surely knows and can arrange everything down to the split second in a far more superior way that we could ever imagine! What about the countless qualities our perfect partner must possess to be right for us? Don’t make a list! It will most certainly be incomplete! You would spend the rest of your life trying to write such a list! Affirm: “God brings my perfect divine life partner into my life today!” Leave the height, hair color etc. to the infinite wisdom that governs all.
Give up any and all of the burden to a higher power! Simply do your part: don’t get fooled by false lovers and believe that everyone you connect with is right, look at anyone and everyone you meet for who and what they are, not what you wish or want them to be. Please don’t think that the more people you encounter, the more likely someone has got to be right. Affirm your prayers and affirmations in the here and now! When making your divine petitions, simply be completely grateful that your requests are answered in the right way -- at the right time – as all is perfectly timed in this heavenly universe. Never forget that before you could ever realize, it is already an established and eternal fact in divine mind!
© 2008 Jim1537. All Rights Reserved.